The meaning behid our words
by newfanfics5
Summary: After a fight Brittany breaks up with Santana. Will Santana fight for her love and come out of the closet or is her need for popularity bigger? And after the Glee club finds out a secret of her she has never told anyone, not even Brittany, everything gets even more complicated.
1. Chapter 1

The meaning behind our words

Chapter one:

Summer is over. Two months without pretending. Just be who I am. Britt and I were on vacation in New York to meet my aunt. We spent every second together. We were swimming, shopping, ate ice and went to the movies together. Like a real couple would. Just that we weren't a real couple and still aren't. We haven't told my aunt although she is very open minded. Britt told me she wanted to be openly together at least for this few weeks in New York. But I couldn't. I was too afraid and I am still. I can't stand the thought of somebody knowing about us, about me. Not even my aunt who has a gay best friend and a gay neighbor. I don't know if I was afraid of her reaction or if she would tell it my parents. Maybe I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself. So we kept it a secret for the following weeks. We were happy when we held hands in the back of the cinema, when we lay together in our bed and cuddled. But as soon as we were around people my fear took over and I backed off. And it stung. It stung to see the look of disappointment in the eyes of Brittany, to just hold her pinky instead of here whole hand. I hated myself for being such a coward and I still do. But I can't help myself. I am too afraid of what the others will think of me, what my parents will think. My whole life I tried to make them proud. But no matter what I do, I will never be enough. I am a straight A student, captain of the cheerios and part of the glee club. But on the other hand I am a bitch. I say what I want without thinking about the other persons. I party and I get drunk, a lot. So I am not planning to add another thing to my list of failure. That's why I can't tell them. I wish Brittany could understand that. But Britt is not like other people, not like me. She sees the good in the world. For her everything has something positive. She is innocent and sweet, loves Disney movies and ducks. She is the loveliest person in this world…and that's why I love her so much. But she is blinded from her happiness. She won't understand what will happen to us if we tell anyone. She can't understand why I have to say no. So that leads us to our last week of summer.

,, San come to bed with me" I look up from my laptop and see that she has changed into some shorts and a loose t-shirt. I get up from my chair and crawl in my bed.

,, That's nice. I love it when you lie with me."

I turn around and spoon her from behind.

,, And I love to cuddle with you" I tell her sincerely. Just when I was slowly drifting to sleep I hear her soft whisper.

,, I liked it in New York."

,, Me too." I am too tired to think of more to say so I wait for her to go on.

,, I liked that we were together…like a real couple."

I turn to look at her.

,, Yeah, it was nice. But we _still _are together right?"

,, If you want us to be."

Now I am confused. Why wouldn't I want to be with the most amazing girl in the world?

,, Of course, why wouldn't I?"

,, Because you're ashamed to be with me…openly."

I sit up and pull her with me.

,, I'm not ashamed of you. It's just that I'm not ready to tell people."

Why can't she see that it isn't her fault? It's everyone else's but sure not hers.

,, Yeah, that's what you've told me for months now. But will you ever be ready? "

I can hear that she starts to get angry. Her brows furrow and she turns her head away from me.

,, Listen, I love you Brittany and I want to be with you…open, but not now. I can't tell my parents and high school is a living hell. It's not the right moment."

Her face falls. She seems tired and helpless.

,, So you want to wait until we graduate? That's a whole year Santana. That's too long."

,, Pleas Britt, that's not what I meant. I will come out this year I promise. I…I just need time."

,, How long Santana? I need to know how long."

I look in those sad eyes and want to tell her that I'll be ready soon. That I want to tell everyone and show them she's mine. But I can't.

,, I…I don't know. Please, Britt, just tell me you can wait. Please?"

,, I don't know Santana. It's been so long now and nothing has changed. You always say that one day you'll be ready…but it seems like this day never comes."

,,Britt please. I love you."

She lowers her head and takes my hands into hers.

,, I love you too Santana, more than anything else in this world. But I'm tired. So sick and tired of waiting. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

With a sad smile she stands up and walks to the door.

,, That's it? You break up with me?"

I can't hold the tears back any longer. A loud sob escapes me. Britany turns around, her own tears falling now. She looks like she doesn't know if she should come back and kiss my tears away, or if she should go and leave me heartbroken.

,, I will always love you. But I can't be your secret anymore. I don't break up with you. For one it's not even possible since we aren't really together. But…I just…I think we need a break. Some time apart to think it all over and decide what we want."

With that she leaves. Without looking back she walks to her car and drives away. I fall back on my bed and let the tears fall. I cry until there is nothing left and slowly fall into a restless sleep.

When I wake up the next morning my throat is sore from all the crying. I try to open my eyes but the lights are too bright so I close them again.

,, Fuck…what time is it?"

I turn to my bedside table and look at my clock. 12:00. Shit. I have slept for eleven hours. I try to open my eyes again and this time I manage to keep them open. Suddenly realization hits me. Brittany broke up with me. And it's my own fault. I have always expected her to wait. But it took me too long to suck it up and work up the courage to come out and now she is gone. Tears fill my eyes again but I won't let them fall. I stand up and walk down the stairs. My parents are both long gone. As a doctor my dad always works through the night and nearly never shows up. And my mom seems to love the stories of her clients more than the ones from her own daughter. But I don't mind. As long as they give me money and leave me alone I am cool with it. I open the fridge and take out some orange juice. As I sit at the table I pull out my phone and check my messages…nothing. No text from a certain blond that can make my heart race with just one look. I consider to text her but after a brief moment I close my phone. I don't think she wants to hang out this summer again since we are about to take a break from each other. So I roll through my contacts until I find the number I searched.

_: Want 2 hang out?-s_

After a few minutes Quinn replies.

_: sure-q_

_: come over in 20-s_

_: k-q_

Since my parents are never home it became normal for us to hang out at my place.

I am watching TV when I hear the doorbell ring. I stand up and walk to the door and open it.

,,Hi"

She smiles awkwardly at me. It has been so long since we last hung out, just the two of us. Ever since we started to be cheerios something in our friendship has changed.

,,Hi"

I return the smile. We walk in the kitchen and she puts a big bag on the table.

,,What's that?"

I watch her with curious eyes. She has never brought anything with her. Normally we only sit on my bed and watch one of these weird horror movies she loves so much.

,,Food" she states. ,, We are cooking."

I grin at her. When we were younger we always used to pretend that we were a family. I was the dad, Quinn the mom and Britt our daughter. We used to cook all day and try new recipes. It always makes me smile to think of the old times, when we were an inseparable trio, without all the fights over popularity. Quinn unpacks the bags and puts the contents out on the kitchen table. After a short look over the table I know exactly what she has in mind.

,,Fajitas, really? You know what happened the last time, right? And this time I won't help you clean up the mess." I smirk at her and she gives me her famous: ,, _I'm not stupid you little bitch" _look.

,,First of all, it was an accident and it won't happen again. Secondly, of course you would help me clean up because I'm still top bitch and you're totally scared of me even if you pretend to be not. And finally, it won't happen again because you are going to cook. I'm fine with making the dishes and the salad."

I give a short laugh and shake my head in disbelieve. After everything she has been through Quinn Fabray is still the queen of bitchiness, of course after me.

,,C'mon let's start."

And with that we go to work. Well I work; Quinn makes the salad and sets the table. Afterwards she just sits on the couch and watches TV.

A good hour later dinner is ready. We sit at the table and eat in in uncomfortable silence. Neither of us knows what to say. We never were as close as me and Brittany. I mean, we are friends, but somehow we are enemies too. I try to break the ice with some small talk.

,,So…how are your holidays?"

,,Good, I was in Florida with my mom. Do some bonding after the whole last year. It was…nice."

She gives me an awkward half smile. I know she isn't as close with her mother ever since the whole baby thing.

,,I heard you and Britt were in New York. How was it?"

I cringe a little when she mentions Brittany. I give a light shrug.

,, New York was fantastic."

,,Well the joy is written all over your face." She races a perfect eyebrow and waits for an explanation.

,,The time there was great. But the day after we came home Britt and I had a little fight."

,,Yeah I wondered where your better half is. So…how little was this fight?"

I look done on my hands and shrug.

,, Big enough that I'm here with you alone." It wasn't meant to sound this harsh. I like spending time with Quinn. I just miss Brittany.

,,I mean I like hanging out with you it's just…it was a pretty big fight you know?"

She gives me a sympathetic smile and takes my hand into hers.

,,Hey…I am sure by the end of this day you will both made it up. It's always like this with the two of you. You can't stay mad at each other for long."

I lower my head and try to fight the tears in my eyes. This time it's different. I can't just apologize and everything will be fine again. I don't know if we will ever be fine again. Not if I don't show her how much she means to me and come out for her. And there is the problem. I can't.

,, Yeah…probably."

We spend the rest of the day in our garden and swim in the pool.

,,When will your parents be back?"

,, I don't know…maybe they won't even come back if we have luck."

,,So they still work all day? Have at least the fights stopped?"

I look away. No, they haven't stopped. They got worse, if my dad ever is at home than only under a big amount of alcohol. Normally I just lock myself in my room and wait until they are both in bed. But lately my dad gets violent and I can't leave my mother alone with him. So now I am his victim too.

,,Not really. But it's not that bad, no worries." I give her an assuring smile but I know that she can see right through it. Luckily she doesn't push it any further.

We lie in on our towels in the back of my garden. The sun sets and it starts to get cold. When I look over at Quinn I see that she is awake too and looks at me.

,,San?"

,,Yeah?"

,,Why have we been so cruel to each other last year?"

I open my eyes again and look at her.

,, I don't know. I think we both were blinded by the pressure of being popular."

,,Friends shouldn't do this to each other. "

I give her a weak smile and shrug. I know exactly what she means.

,, No…they shouldn't."

,, Are we friends San?"

,, _Do_ you want to be my friend?"

She gives me a smile and nods.

,, I'd like that."

She puts her arms around me and gives me a warm hug.

,, Yeah, me too." I really do.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

The rest of this last week of summer holidays I spent with Quinn. We had a really good time and sometimes I could even forget all the shit that was going on with Brittany. We were closer than ever before, mostly because I have never spent so long apart from Britt. Sometimes Puck came over too, seems like he and Quinn could still make it, although they just gave up their baby. Turned out he is a really good guy. Once you can see behind his cockiness and all his stupid comments there is a boy with whom you can laugh and who will be there for you…no matter what. And as far as I know I am not the easiest person to get along with too. So we enjoyed the last days of summer at the pool or at the mall. We had fun…I had fun. Until Saturday night came.

_: Lopez party_ _2 night u in?-p_

Puck is famous for his bashes. There is none in Ohio who can party as hard as him…apart from me of course. I am the queen of parties. I have never missed a good one since I was a freshman. So there is only one possible reply for me.

_: sure-s_

A few hours before I go I make myself ready. I take a quick shower and afterwards I blow-dry my hair. I take it into a loose ponytail. I walk to my closet and pick out two dresses. A short black one that shows off my legs well or a red one which is a little longer but has a pretty big cutout instead. I go for the second one. I've gots to show what I have right?

An hour after the party has started I park in front of Puck's house. Only losers are on time. I walk through the front door and the crowd parts for me as I walk by. I fucking rule this people, no matter if in school, here or at any other place. I steer towards the kitchen to get myself some alcohol.

Three shots later I am on the dance floor with some stupid jock grinding against me. I don't like boys in that way…I know that now. But there are things I have to do for my reputation, things like that. Dancing with a guy I barely even know. When he turns me around and tries to kiss me I slap him across the face. All heads turn towards us. Santana Lopez never says no to a boy, so this was pretty shocking. I have to come up with a good excuse.

,, You moron better takes those pretty little hands of yours away from my tits or I'll ends you." I say in my best badass voice. This is Santana Lopez the fiery Latina who doesn't let herself be pushed around. I am the one who is in charge…always. Slowly the crowd starts to get sucked up in their own conversations again. I turn around to dance with the guy behind me. That is when I see them, those ocean blue eyes. My heart starts to race. Brittany stands there in the corner of the room and talks with some random people. But she is looking at _me_. I haven't even thought that she could be here too. But of course she is here, I mean after all she is a Cheerio too and Cheerios are always on puck's guest list. If I had known that she would be here I wouldn't have danced with this guy. I wouldn't have pretended to be into it because I know what she would think…what she would feel. And I can see it now, that look of disappointment and hurt in her eyes that stings so much. I try to fight my way over to her but as soon as she sees what I am doing she rushes out of the room and up the stairs. I know better than to follow her. Hell if I were her I would have probably punched me in my fucking face. I am so stupid. I walk over to Quinn and tap her on the shoulder.

,, Hey Santana nice show over there." She tells me with a grin. She is drunk I know, but I don't care at this moment. She is the only person I trust enough.

,, Quinn, Brittany is upset. She is upstairs. Could you go and look after her?"

She nods with a confused look.

,, Sure, but why can't you go? Are you guys still fighting?"

,, None of your business." As soon as I see the hurt look in her eyes I regret snapping at her.

,, C'mon Quinn you know I didn't mean it. Yes we are still fighting, so can you go look after her now?"

I would have pleaded her to do it but I am Santana Lopez and I do not plead. I watch her leave the room. Well done Lopez! Scare the two only people you really care for away in one night. I am not in party mood anymore so I rush out the door and walk to my car. Just as I am about to start the motor I hear a soft nock on the window. I turn my head to see Puck standing there. What the fuck does he want now?

,, Puckerman I'm not in the mood and anyways…don't you have a girlfriend? I think her name is…Quinn?"

,, Open the door Santana."

I hesitate first but give in after some seconds. He jumps in the passenger seat and turns off the radio.

,, What's going on with you and Brittany?" I stare at him for a moment. He couldn't mean what I think.

,, What do you mean?"

,, Why are you two fighting? It tears down both of you and nobody likes to see Britt sad. And if you believe it or not I care about you too. I don't want to see you hurt. So tell me…what's going on?"

I sight in relieve. For a short moment I thought he knew. I look out of the front shield into the darkness. There are no people on the street. I close my eyes.

,, We're fine believe me…we just had a little disagreement." He looks at me with raised eyebrows.

,, Didn't look so little in there. Santana you can trust me. I can see that you don't want to talk about it right now. But just so you know if you ever want to talk to someone…I'm here."

With that he opens the door and leaves. Before he enters his house again I step out of the car.

,, Thanks Puck. I really appreciate that." He gives me a weak smile and waves me a last goodbye. He turns around and disappears in the sea of people. I get back in my car and drive away.

When I drive in the in the parking lot in front of my house I see that no lights are on. I enter the house and walk in the kitchen. There is a note from my mom on the table.

_Your dad and I won't come home tonight. See you tomorrow. Love mom._

Well at least she found time to tell me they won't be home tonight, although they should rather leave a note if they _come_ home for once. I go upstairs in my room and lie in my bed. Suddenly my phone goes off. Quinn has text me.

_: I'm at Britt's tonight. She's really upset but won't tell me why…what was your fight about?-q_

I feel sick. I am the reason Britt is so upset, but I can't tell Quinn that. She is like a dog that smells a bone. She won't let it go until she has what she wants…the truth.

_: ok…keep me updated-s_

_: I've ask u a question. I'll let it go for now…but I won't forget. C ya later.-q_

Fuck. I should have come up with an excuse. Now there is no turning back. Quinn will dig until she has the answer. She will find out. And once she knows the truth everyone will know. I will fall to the bottom of the pyramid and get slushied…like Berry. OMG they'll put me in the same box as Rachel…to the losers. I can't be a loser, my whole life I have fought to be popular and now everything falls apart. I feel dizzy. The constant pressure is just too much. I have failed. My parents have a failure as a daughter. Shit. My parents. They are going to throw me out…I will be homeless. The tears are streaming down my face. I need a break from this all. I walk to the cupboard that holds all our alcohol. After all maybe I _am_ a Lopez. I take a bottle of vodka out of it and sit at the table. I save the glass and guide the bottle directly to my mouth. Cheers dad. I try to hold back the sobs that are coming but there is now use in it. I look around the room. Pictures of a happy family are hanging on the walls, but I have no idea who these people are. I stand up and stagger out on the street.

I don't know where I am going but suddenly I find myself in Pucks neighborhood again. I can hear that the party is still going. I can feel the beat vibrate in my body. A warm hand grabs my wrist from behind and a short scream escapes me.

,, Santana what are you still doing here? Didn't you drive home?" Puck is standing behind me with a confused expression.

,, Hey Pucky!"I give him a wide grin. I have no idea what is going on but I don't really give a fuck.

,, Do you love me? Because somehow everyone tells me that they love me…but in the end they still leave me. My mom, my dad, my grandpa…Brittany. So I hope that you don't love me because I could really use someone who doesn't fuck off."

,, Santana you are drunk. And I could swear that you were able to drive a car when I last saw you…and that's not the case anymore, so where did you get the alcohol from? Were you at another party?"

A tear rolls down my cheek and I don't know why. I feel better than I have in a long time. It all feels like a dream, I can do whatever I want. I jump out on the road in front of a racing truck.

,, C'mon hit me! I'm invincible! You can't hurt me! None can hurt me anymore because I already gave away all my pain…and this one person doesn't seem to give a fuck. And do you want to know how I know? Well it is simple…SHE FUCKING LEFT ME!" I give a loud scream from me and close my eyes. Even if I am not invincible…I don't care at this moment. But before the car can hit me two strong arms push me from the road. I open my eyes again and see that I am lying in Puck's arms. He looks scared…terrified.

,, What the fuck Lopez?! Are you crazy? You could've died! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

I look him in the eyes and see panic, anxiety and something different…hurt?

,, How could you do this to me? I told you I care for you and you try to kill yourself? Fuck!"

I can't stand to look at him any longer. Way to go Santana. Now you even hurt the last person that still gives a fuck about you. I hate myself…I really do.

,, You haven't answered my question…do you love me? Not like Quinn but...do you love me?" I ask him with pleading eyes.

He takes me in a warm embrace. I cry into his shoulder until I realize that my shoulder is wet too.

,, Of course I love you Santana. You're my girl. I'm always here to protect you. Please never do this again."

I cling harder to him. How could I not see him like this before? He is such a good friend and all I did was being an ass towards him for the past two years.

,, Let's bring you home."

We drive back in a comfortable silence. We don't have to say something, because the last half of an hour showed enough in itself. We are friends, I know that and he knows it too.

When we pull up in front of my home and come to a stop, he gets out of the car with me. He gives me a long hug and whispers softly in my ear.

,, Don't do something like that ever again. I don't know what your reasons were or if it was just the alcohol, but one thing I know for sure. Today I nearly lost one of my best friends and it scared the shit out of me. So promise me here and now that you'll never do this again."

,, I promise." With that he lets me go and walks back to his car. Before I go into my house I turn around one last time.

,,Hey Puck."

He lifts his head and looks at me.

,, I love you too." I really do.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

I walk through the doors of McKinley High with my head held high. The crowd parts for me and I can see it in their eyes. How they wish they could be me, Santana Lopez; Head Cheerio, top bitch at this school, every boy wants me and every girl wants to be my friend. But something is different today. I am alone. And I am not the only one who noticed this. People have this confused look on their face as they watch me passing by. I can't rule these halls without my best friend. I feel the tears swelling up in my eyes again when I think about her. We have gone a whole week without talking to each other and it kills me. When I look to my locker I see Quinn standing there. I haven't heard anything from her since that one massage last Saturday. I think she has forgotten it by now…well I hope so.

,, Hey Santana" She gives me a sneaky grin. Well maybe I thought wrong.

,, I'm still waiting for an answer. You know last Saturday night when I texted you I wouldn't forget? Well I haven't, so spill." I stare at her in disbelieve. Does she really think I would tell her so easily? I would die before I talk about it in a crowded hallway where everyone could hear me.

,, I have no idea what you're talking about." I hold my hand in front of her face before she can say something.

,, And even if I had I still wouldn't talk about it." I know that she won't let me go with this so I add another sentence… even if it is not really the truth.

,, At least not here where everyone can hear and we only have like…10 minutes? Really Quinn you were never good at timing. " Her face softens a bit and she shakes her head a bit.

,, I'll let it go for this one time Lopez. But wait until we have time and privacy." It doesn't sound like a treat…more like a warning so I could prepare myself for it. I stare at her with raised eyebrows. Who does she think she is talking to me like that? But now that I think about it she really is the only person who can talk to my in this way without ending in the hospital. I turn away and walk to my first class.

When I enter the classroom I see Kurt and Mercedes sitting in the middle row. As soon as they spot my they smile and wave me a friendly hello.

,, Well hello there Lopez. We were just talking about you," Mercedes greets. What the fuck were _they_ talking about _me_?

,, Wheezy, Lady Face." I nod my head. ,, So do you two mind telling me what you were talking about me." I give them my best bitchglare. This was not a question, Santana never asks questions. It was an order.

,, Well a week ago Brittany showed up on my porch with puffy eyes. She told me you two were having a fight and now you aren't talking with each other. I don't know what it was about but it must be something serious since I have seen you coming to school alone today," Kurt informs me. I stare at him for a moment. Britt went to him? Did she spend all week listening to his happy stories about being out of the closet and show the world who you are? Because if that was the case I won't have another chance to get Brittany back then coming out…and I can't do that, at least not now.

,, Well it's not your business and as long as Brittany doesn't want to talk about it I demand you to let her alone. We'll have worked this out by the end of the week you'll see." With that I walk to the back row and take in my usual place in the right corner.

I spent the rest of the day avoiding Quinn and Puck. I don't want to talk about my problems anymore so I kept my space from the two people that seemed to be the biggest harm. But I wasn't the only one avoiding people. I haven't seen Brittany at all today although I am pretty sure we have at least one class together. Well at the latest I will see her in Glee, because I know for sure that she won't miss this lesson. I make my way to the choir room. As I enter I see that I am one of the first here. Only Man Hands and Frankenteen are already here and yet I have enough of the two lovebirds. I take in my usual seat in the back and wait. The next who enter the room are Mike and Tina. I can't stand looking at them being so happy and so in love. I turn my gaze back to the door and wait for my beautiful blond. Slowly one by one enters but there is now sign of Brittany. When Quinn and Puck show up I try to hide myself behind the big shoulders of Finn. Of course they still spot me.

,, Hey Lopez are these two seats still free?" Puck points to the two chairs beside me. Normally Brittany sits there but I doubt that she wants to sit with me. So I give a light shrug and nod. They take in their places. Quinn on my left and Puck right beside her. I look to the front of the room one last time but she is still not here. Maybe she hates me so much that she even skips Glee. Just as I gave up all my hope I see a blonde head entering. I raise my head and there she stands, looking beautiful as ever with her arms crossed over her chest. I look at her and our eyes meet. For a second I believe to see a small smile crossing her face but then it is already gone again. She stiffens a bit, turns away from me and walks over to sit between Kurt and Tina. I know that Brittany is very close with Tina and Mike and I totally understand that…I mean I kind of like them too. I start to wonder if she told them about our fight too and in the look of sadness they send me I have found my answer. But as I look around I see that everyone here is giving us these odd looks. Obviously it is just not common for the two of us to sit apart from each other. I get pulled out of my thoughts by Quinn.

,, Hey Santana where were you yesterday? I haven't heard from you the whole day."

I cringe a little. I was on a dark place after what happened on Saturday. I was just lying in my bed the whole day hoping nobody would ring at the door. Mostly I tried to avoid Puck. I know he is there for me and doesn't judge me for what happened…but I am still embarrassed for showing him how weak I can be.

,, Hasn't Puck told you what happened the other night?" The confused look she gives me says enough. Perfect, now there is a second thing she wants to talk about. Just as she opens her mouth to question me Mr. Schue enters the room.

,, Nice to see you guys again. I hope you all had a nice summer and are ready for this year. For some of you it's the last year here so I stop wasting any more time. Let's start."

I don't turn to look at Quinn so she can't start a conversation again. The whole time I try to focus on what happens at the front, but my eyes always drift to Brittany. I miss her so much. Sometimes she catches me stare and I look away embarrassed. When the bell rings I am the first one out. I don't want to talk to anyone.

A good hour after I got home I hear my doorbell ring.

,, Coming!"

When I open the door Quinn stands there. She has red eyes and looks like she has been crying.

,, Quinn what happ-" Before I can finish my sentence she has wrapped both of her arms tightly around my neck.

,, Never do this again...you hear?!"She practically yells at me. So she already found out. I knew Puck would give in and tell here anyways…but I hoped I would have a little more time.

,, So Puck told you?" All she can do is nod. My shoulder is wet from her tears but I don't care. I feel sorry for not telling her myself, but mostly I am sorry that it even happened. They were both there for me the whole time and this is what I give back to them.

,, C'mon lets go inside."

My parents are not at home…what a surprise. I walk her to the couch were a pack of chips lies. I turn off the TV and sit down beside her.

,, I'm sorry Quinn, I really am." I stroke her arm softly to let her know I am here.

,, Why Santana? Why would you do this…to me, Puck, your parents…to Brittany?" I feel my eyes getting wet again. It is not only because of the mention of Britt…well mostly, but the other reason are my parents. I don't think they would care if I was dead. Hell maybe they just wait until I follow my brother. It's not like they are around anyways.

,, I don't know."

She raises her head and looks in my eyes.

,, Is this about Brittany?" I stiffen a little. I don't want to have this conversation now. But I also know that I can't avoid it forever.

,, Yeah…mostly."

She shifts a little in her seat and slowly takes my hand in to hers.

,, You know you can trust me right? I am here for you no matter what…if you like it or not."

Suddenly I see her in a whole new light. Until now I always thought that as soon as school starts again our fights would start again too. That we are still enemies in some way…even if we promised to be friends. But now I can see that she really cares for me, that she wants me to be happy and that I can trust her.

,, Yeah I know. And just so you know. I am here for you too." She gives me a weak smile.

,, I know that you don't want to talk about Brittany and your fight right now…but is there anything I need to know? Something you'd like to tell me?"

I close my eyes and let myself think for a while. I know that I can trust her and that she won't tell anyone. It would feel so good to tell somebody and maybe Britt would see that I am making progress.

,, Yeah actually I have to tell you something…but I want that Puck is here too." After all I owe him that much.

Puck was here in record time. We had to convince him for five minutes that everything is fine and I didn't plan on doing something stupid again. Finally we were able to cool him down. Now here we are…sitting in silence at the kitchen table with all eyes on me. I know I have to tell them sometime but I have no idea how to start…so I am kind of relieved when Quinn speaks up.

,, So…what did you want to tell us?" I shift a little in my seat and look down on my hands. Here we go.

,, You know that fight that's going on with me and Britt?" I look up and see them nod.

,, Well you both asked me what's going on between the two of us…so that's what I'm going to tell you now." I take in a deep breath and close my eyes, like if I can't see them they are not here.

,, Britt and I are together…well we were before that fight started and she broke up with me because I'm not ready to come out. I love her and I think…I think I might be gay." I open my eyes again and stare at them.

,, Please don't hate me now."

Quinn is the first to react. She stands up and walks over to me. I prepare myself to get yelled at, to get slapped or anything…but not that. Suddenly she bends down and hugs me.

,, I'm sorry she broke up. But believe me you two will make it. She loves you…everyone with eyes can see that."

Puck follows shortly after and wraps his arms around both of us.

,, We don't hate you Santana. I told you on Saturday that I love you and I still mean it. And to be honestly…it is quite obviously that the two of you are in love."

I can't hold the tears back any longer. I sob into their shoulders…but I am happy. I am so relieved that I have told them finally and that they have reacted so well. I couldn't ask for better friends.

,, And Santana," Quinn speaks up. ,, It's not your fault, the break up. If you aren't ready to tell people Brittany has to respect that. This is a big step to take and we are so proud of you for telling us."

,, Thanks." I smile at her. I have never felt this loved before. I wish time would stop and we could stay like this for ever, just the three of us, without walls to protect us from getting hurt, because we know that we won't. I want this moment to last so I look up and open my mouth.

,, Will you stay tonight…both of you? My parents aren't here anyways." They look at each other before they nod in unison.

,, Sure."

We go upstairs and lie down in my queen-size bed with Quinn on my right and Puck on my other side. I snuggle in-between them and close my eyes.

,, I love you guys."

,, We love you too Santana."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

It is Tuesday afternoon…the day after I came out to Quinn and Puck. After I woke up this morning, sandwiched between my two best friends, I began to panic. When realization hit me all I wanted to do was run. My first though was to pack my things and drive away. Because all I could think about at this moment was that they were going to tell. They were going to tell the Glee club, the Cheerios, the whole school…my parents. And why wait until they kick me out? Why letting them embarrass me when I can walk out with my head held high and the middle finger held in their faces. But then I turned my head to look at the two people who slept in my bed. The two people who hugged me and comforted me after I, the meanest bitch at our school that has been an asshole towards them for the last two years, came out, the two persons who slept over and held me the whole night just so I wouldn't feel so alone, the two who cared more for me than anyone else does. I looked over and saw my best friends. And with that my fear was gone, because I knew I could trust them. When Quinn and Puck woke up they acted like nothing happened. We made coffee and fought over the last muffin. We drove to school together and said our goodbyes at the entrance. It was like any other day, and I was more than glad for that. The rest of the day went by fast.

At lunch I am at the Cheerios table, although I mostly just sit there and give some nasty comments. I still got a reputation that I have to keep up. The first lesson afterwards is maths. I know that Brittany has this class too so I am pretty nervous. I am thinking that she might skip again but then suddenly she stands there. A smile crosses my face when I see her looking at me. I know she won't sit with me but just the fact that she showed up is enough for this moment. I try to focus on the teacher but it is impossible when this gorgeous girl sits right in front of you. After the bell rings I walk to my locker to grab some stuff. When I get there Kurt already awaits me. I give him a curious look as I open my locker.

,, I know about you and Brittany…she told me yesterday."

I give him a disapproving look. Was he really talking about that? Well he is Kurt; after all he should have a fantastic gaydar. But how could Brittany do this? After I told her I wasn't ready she goes to Kurt and tells him about us…about me? I open my mouth to say something but get cut off by Kurt.

,, Listen you can't get angry at her now because she really needed to talk to someone. This whole thing isn't easy for her too. She loves you and wants to show it the world…she just doesn't get why you refuse to show them too. Please talk to her. And it's not like I didn't already knew… I mean you are quite obviously."

,, Hold on Lady Face. She is the one who avoided me for a whole week now. I know I messed up but I'm working on me. And dare you tell anyone about us." I glare at him. I am so going to kill him if he spills.

,, Yeah that's why she wants to meet you today after Glee. And I swear if you chicken out and run away I will gladly support her in hating you, because she deserves someone who is there for her…proudly so. So don't mess this up." With that he turns around and leaves me stunned. Who does he think he is talking to me like this? But on the other hand…he is right. Brittany deserves to be loved and protected and I am willing to be this person. I will fight for her and show her that I am proud of her…of being with her, if that is what she wants.

When it is time for Glee I can feel my heart speed up. Am I ready for this? Yes, I have to be. This could be my last chance to get her and I am going to take it. I sit between Puck and Quinn who both lay a supporting hand on my shoulder.

,, Kurt told us about the conversation with Britt you are going to have." Puck informs me.

,, Just tell her the truth Santana. If you are ready it's fantastic, but if you're not she has to understand. And if she doesn't then it's her loss. But just so you know…you'll always have the two of us."

I give her a grateful smile and nod.

,, Thanks. That really means much to me."

Just then Mr. Schuster walks in.

,, Hey Guys! So today we are going to start with a song Rachel has prepared."

With that he gives the stage free to Berry. I roll my eyes and lean back in my seat. The whole lesson I can't concentrate on anything else than Brittany. What am I going to tell her? Like Quinn said, I need to tell her the truth. So what is the truth? Finally the bell rings and the people disappear in the hallways one by one until there is only left the two of us.

,, Hi" I say awkwardly. What happened between us, never once before there existed something like an awkward silence between us.

,, Hey" she greets back with a small smile, the first I have seen in a week. I return the smile and the tension softens a bit.

,, So Kurt told you? That I told him and that I want to talk to you?"

,, Well…yeah" I give her a weak half smile.

,, Listen I'm sorry I told him I know you aren't ready but it really helped. He explained to me that it isn't as easy for everyone to come out as it is for me. Some people fear the reaction of their friends or parents. So I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for pushing you."

,, Thanks Brittany that means a lot to me. And I'm sorry too for being such a coward but I promise you I'm working on it. I told Quinn and Puck yesterday and they reacted surprisingly well. I don't know if I'm ready to be out to the whole school and sure not to my parents yet, but I think I could manage the Glee club."

With that she runs towards me and hugs me.

,, I'm so proud of you Santana, for telling Quinn and Puck. And see, they still love you. And I'm so happy that you are willing to tell our friends from Glee too. But I won't pressure you…so just take your time. I'll be right by your side the whole time."

,, Thanks Britt. So…does that mean we're back together?" I raise my eyebrows and wait desperately for her answer.

,, I love you Santana and I really want to be with you. But I think right now you need me as your best friend so I can support you. I don't say we can't be together I just think that we should take things slow."

It is not the answer I hoped for but I can live with it. And I somehow understand what she means. I could really need some friends now.

,, Thanks Britt I love you too."

She gives me a short peck on the lips and then links our pinkies. We walk to the parking lot together. As we arrive at her car we come to a halt and turn our heads so we are facing each other.

,, I'm glad we aren't fighting anymore. I don't like not talking to you."

I take her in a warm embrace and whisper softly in her ear.

,, I am glad too Britt."

With that she gets in her car and drives away. I text a short message to Quinn and Puck and afterwards drive home too.

_: Britt and I have talked and are fine now. We are kind of back together but taking things slow.-s_

When I arrive at home I'm surprised to see light in our house. I slowly get out of my car and walk up the steps to the front door. I can hear yelling now and know that I am about to walk in on a big fight.

,, I'm home." I say not too loud and hope that they haven't even noticed. But of course my father has.

,, Santana get over here!" He shouts with such anger that I flinch at his words. I walk over to him and sit down at the kitchen table.

,, How many times have I told you to put your shows in the commode?!" He often overreacts these days but I would never dare talking back to him. I wouldn't admit it to anyone but I am really scared of this man.

,, I'm sorry dad I'll go do it now."

,, Well your too late your stupid mother has already done it for you. " I give a short look to my mother and see that she is crying.

,, Don't talk about her like that." My voice is so small I am not sure he even heard it…thought I hope he hasn't.

,, Oh I talk how I want about this slut. She comes home an hour late and tells me something about a meeting. This bitch was fucking with her client. I can smell it from here. "

,, Emilio I swear nothing happened!" My mom says something for the first time since I came home.

,, Shut up!" He takes a step forwards and slaps her across the face. A few other punches in the face and stomach follow.

,, And Santana I swear if you ever talk back to me again you will end just like your mother. And now go out of my sight. I can't stand looking at you any longer. I don't know why I even come back anymore if that's what awaits me here." With that he walks away.

I grab my phone and walk out of the door. I can't stand staying in there any longer. I scroll through my contacts. I can't call Britt…we're just getting back to normal and I don't want to mess things up again. I could call Puck but I am not sure if it would help since I am certain he will walk over to my house and make things even more complicated…so I text Quinn.

_: Can I come over?-s_

After a brief moment she replies.

_: sure-q_

When I get there Quinn is already waiting at the front porch. She gives me a quick hug and leads me up to her room. I know she can see the fear in my eyes and the tears are streaming down my face. So I am glad she doesn't flip out. When we get to her room she locks the door and we sit on her bed.

,, Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head no. I can't talk about it now. She bends forwards and hugs me. Slowly we lay down on her bed, never breaking contact. I sob in her shoulder and cling to her desperately. After maybe half an hour Quinn speaks up again.

,, Did your parents fight again." All I can do is nodding my head.

,, Was your father drunk…I can smell the alcohol on you so don't even try to deny it."

I keep my eyes shut. _You can trust Quinn. _I tell myself over and over again. _She won't judge you or your family. She is your friend; you have to open up to her._

,, Yes he was. He flipped because my mom came home late and then he slapped and punched her."

I am crying again but don't even try to hide my tears anymore. I never told this anyone and it feels like a million stones were just lifted from my shoulders. I can breathe again.

,, Did he…did he lay his hand on you too? Because if he has I am so going to kill him."

I lay my head in her lap and shake my head.

,, No…not this time." I manage to choke out.

,, Santana why haven't you told me before? This is a big deal and I am your friend…you can trust me."

I sit up and look her in the eyes.

,, I know that now and that's why I'm here. I trust you Quinn so please don't tell anyone. I'll come to you if something happens but I still love him Quinn…he's my dad."

,, If that's what you want. But promise me you'll come to me as soon as he gets violent again. I'm worried about you San…I really care for you."

I snuggle under the covers with her and we hold each other tightly.

,, Can we just lie here? Just the two of us and forget all the other shit?"

She smiles at me and nods.

,, Yeah…I've got you San."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Finally things with Britt are back to normal. We talk, laugh and hold pinkies. I know she wants more but right now I can't give her that. I am trying. But I have to take small steps and luckily Brittany seems to understand that. I can't just come out to the whole school like it is nothing…because it isn't, it is everything. People are going to treat us differently, there will be whispers when we walk through the school hand in hand and we will get slushied. Everything I worked for these last two years will be destroyed. But I can handle that, because I will have Britt by my side. What I can't handle are my parents. When the school knows my parents will sooner or later know too, and that is what I fear. I haven't seen them since Tuesday. Neither of them has showed up since that fight, at least not when I was around. And today is Thursday. But it is not like I care. In the past it used to hurt to know that they are avoiding or even ignoring me. But now that the fights have started I am just lucky whenever they are gone. At least I have the house for myself. That means of course for me and Britt.

"Can we stop studying now San? My head hurts and I have no idea what I'm doing right now. Is this biology?"

I give her a small chuckle and walk over to her. I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and start kissing her neck.

"No Britt this is history and you have a test about this tomorrow so you have to learn this now. But as soon as you have finished we can have some sexy times." I wiggle my eyebrows and smirk.

"No fair San…first of all; you know we said we are going to take it slow. And secondly…do you really think I can study now that I have all those images in my head?"

"Sorry…"

We haven't had any sweet lady kisses for two weeks now. First because we were fighting and now because we are taking it slow. I know it may be the right thing to do but that doesn't lessen my frustration in any way. I sit back on my chair and start reading my book again.

I wake up with my head on my desk two hours later. I turn around and see that Brittany has fallen asleep too. I shake her shoulders gently.

"Wake up Britt-Britt. You have to go home now or your parents are going to kill both of us."

She shakes her head and yawns.

"Don't want to Sanny. Can't I just stay here tonight?"

"You know how much I would love that but it's a school night and we promised your parents you would be home before midnight…so come on you've got less than twenty minutes."

We walk down the stairs together and I open the front door for her.

"Goodnight Santana, I'll be missing you tonight."

She hugs me gently and then places a short kiss on my lips.

"Goodnight Britt, I love you."

"Love you too." She waves me one last time before disappearing in the dark. Oh how I wish she could have stayed over.

The next day goes by like every other; listening to some stupid teachers talking about some stupid things, Cheerios practice, lunch, some other stupid lessons and finally Glee. I sit in my usual place with Britt on my left. We are holding pinkies and she is laughing about a joke I have made. When Mr. Schuster walks in everyone starts to get silent.

"So now that everyone who had prepared something has sung their song I'm going to tell you what we'll do next week." The room fills with cheers and whistles.

"On Monday we will have a battle between our boys and our girls. You can pick any song you want. I would like to give the winner team a price but as you all know we are short on money. But I still expect you all to give your best. The rest of this lesson you can start preparing your performance."

Of course Berry takes the lead and starts picking out songs.

"I think we should make a sleepover tonight so we can practice a little. Can anyone provide their house? I can't because my grandma is over and she has a light sleep."

I know that my house would be free. But do I really want all these losers over? I look over to Brittany and see the smile on her face. She always loves glee sleepovers. And as it looks like my house seems the only option. Is it worth it?

"You could come to my place. My parents won't be over anyways."

All heads turn to me. Santana Lopez is willing to let some losers in her home? This is surprising. I look over to Britt and see the sparkle in her eyes…yep, definitively worth it. As long as Brittany is happy I am happy too. It is Rachel who speaks up first.

"Thanks Santana we really appreciate that. So how does 8:00pm sound?"

"Yeah I think that works. I think it would be best if you all go with Britt or Quinn since the others don't know where I life."

"Yes we could all meet here at the school's parking lot at 7:40 pm and walk together to Santana's." Brittany offers. They all agree and so it is settled.

After Glee I walk Britt to her car.

"I'm so proud of you for offering your house to the other Glee girls. I know you don't like it when so many people are over." I take her hand in mine and smile at her.

"Well, you will be there too and that alone makes it worth it. And since my parents haven't showed up in like two days I see no point why they should be here tonight. And as long as my dad isn't there I can manage to have a few more people over. We just can't make a mess." Britt looks at me with sad eyes.

"You haven't seen your parents in two days? Are they still fighting?"

Yes I haven't told Brittany how bad things at home are. But I don't want to scare her. She shouldn't have to worry about me.

"Yeah they are, but it's not that bad…I mean at least we have the house to our self, most of the time." I give her a short peck on the lips and grin.

"Please tell me when something's wrong at home San…You know I want to be there for you and help you but I can't as long as you aren't telling me the whole truth."

With that my smile fades. Suddenly I feel bad for not telling her. But what could she do? I don't want her to talk to my parents…my father. I couldn't live if he would hurt her.

"Look Britt, I have shitty parents who never show up and fight a lot. But I'm glad they aren't home because it is more comfortable than knowing to go home to get yelled at. So can we please just drop it now?"

She drops her head and looks at the ground. After a while she shrugs and then nods.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be."

I give her a hug and walk to my car.

At home I sit on the couch and watch TV. The girls should be over in twenty minutes. Enough time to take a quick shower. I stand up and walk to the bathroom. I undress myself and hop in the shower. The warm water feels good on my skin and I feel myself relax. Suddenly I hear a loud bang from downstairs and short afterwards the yelling begins. This can't be truth. They disappear for three days and now when I have invited some people they come back home. I feel anger coming up and quickly get out of the shower. I get dressed and rush down the stairs. As soon as I see my father my anger changes into fear. He is drunk…really drunk.

"Santana where have you been?"

"I was under the shower."

He takes a step forward and looks me in the eyes.

"I mean where have you been for the last three days? I haven't seen you once."

I shake my head in disapprove.

"You were the one who wasn't home. Sorry but that you haven't seen me is your fault."

As soon as the words are out I regret them. I feel a large hand on my cheek and then the burning. It wasn't the first time he slapped me.

"Don't talk to me like that you little bitch. I am your fucking father!"

The doorbell rings and I look for the time. 8:00 pm. I don't know if I should be scared or relieved. I walk to the door and open it. There they all stand with wide eyes. There is no way they haven't heard what has been going on behind these walls. Before either of them can say anything I get out of my house and get in my car. I sit there and watch out into the dark. I can feel the tears behind my eyes but I won't let them fall. Not in front of the Glee kids. I get pulled out of my thoughts from the knocking on the window. When I turn my head I see Brittany and Quinn standing there. As soon as I am out of the car Britt wraps her arms around me and cries.

"We saw what happened through the window." Quinn informs me.

"San why haven't you told me how bad things are when I asked you today? He slapped you!"

"I'm sorry Britt I didn't want to scare you."

"It's ok. But you have to stop hiding behind your walls Santana. Let us help you…you can't do it all by your own. We're her for you. Please believe me San. I love you."

"I love you too Britt."

We pull apart when we hear someone cough behind us. I turn around and see the other girls standing there. Some of them even have tears in their eyes. As always Rachel is the first to speak.

"We saw what happened in there Santana and we just want to let you know that we're all here for you if you need anything."

They all nod their heads. Mercedes takes a step forward and hugs me. It is a little awkward at first but soon I return the hug.

"We had no idea what was going on Santana. You could've told us you know. We are family."

She lets go of me. I look down on my shoes and feel how the first teardrops are falling down my cheeks.

"I know but it's just…you don't know what's going on. Things will get better soon. I can handle it."

Tina shakes her head.

"No you can't. Stop being so stubborn and let us help you."

"Can we please just drop it…at least for no?"

They have never seen me so fragile and I have for sure never begged one of them for anything. But this is different. I can't be strong at this moment…I just can't. They all nod their head. We decide to practice for Glee tomorrow at Rachel's house. Then we say our goodbyes and they leave…everyone but Brittany.

"Stay at mine tonight Santana, you can't go back in there."

I nod my head and follow her to the Pierce's. When we get to her room she locks the door and we lie in her bed together.

"Tell me Santana; tell me what's going on."

I sight. I know there is no way out of this. She would have found it out either way.

"My father is an alcoholic. He comes home drunk and in the last month things got worse. He slaps me and my mother. Sometimes he even punches her." I feel the tears streaming down my face. Brittany holds me close to her and strokes my hair gently.

"How long has this been going on?"

"My dad has been drinking too much for like seven years now. It began a few months before we moved to Lima."

I sob in her shoulder. I have never admitted this to anyone before…it feels good to be able to talk about it.

"You have to tell somebody Santana, like an adult."

I shake my head violently. This is exactly why I haven't told anyone. I can't tell it, because then my dad will go to prison and that would tear me apart. I'd rather have a dad who has an alcohol problem than no dad.

"I can't Britt…I need him. After all he's my dad and he had to cope with some heavy things."

She turns her head and looks at me.

"What kind of things San? Do they include you?"

I shift a little. I can handle telling her about my dad…but this goes too far. I am not ready to talk about _that_.

"Yes they kind of do. But can we please just go to sleep now? I'm really tired."

"Yes of course…anything you want."

I snuggle under the covers and Britt spoons me from behind. Just as I am slowly drifting to sleep I hear her whisper.

"I love you San. Please stop fighting and let me help you. I would never hurt you…you know that."

Yes I know that. I am not afraid of you hurting me Britt, I am afraid of myself. But I would never admit that to anyone.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

The next morning I woke up in Brittany's arms. Every other day I would have gotten up and would have walked away…away from my fears. I would have hidden behind my big walls…but not this time. I stayed and let her hold and protect me so I didn't have to stay behind my walls. Because nothing can make me feel as safe as her body pressed against mine. Nothing can heal my wounds better than her warm smile and her soft touch. I have no idea why I have ever run away from this…it's the best I have felt for a long time. We spend the rest of the day together. We didn't talk about last night, because honestly? I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to tell her about my parents. Once one thing slips trough I have to tell her everything and I can't do that. But I know I can't hide it forever. One time the past will catch up with you and I have this feeling that this day isn't that far away anymore. So I enjoy every moment like it's the last. Everything will change and I know that and accepted it…but that doesn't mean I am not scared.

"What are you thinking about?"

I turn around and see Brittany staring at me. I could watch in those blue eyes forever.

"Morning Beautiful, how'd you sleep?" I don't really want to talk about what I was thinking so I hope she lets it go.

"Well I was awake half of the night because I wanted to make sure you were safe…and because you snored pretty loud." She giggles a little and I smack her arm playfully.

"I don't snore. It was probably that cat of yours."

"Na…it was definitively you." I give her a short laugh and roll my eyes. She just winks at me and gets up. We walk down together and make some breakfast. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I smelled the bacon. We sit at the table and eat.

"So…what are you going to do?" I give her a confused look and swallow.

"What do you mean?"

"About your parents, I mean it's obviously that you can't stay at your house anymore."

"What are you talking about? I won't move out Brittany."

She stares at me for a moment before shaking her head.

"He slapped you Santana. It isn't safe for you to live with him. You could stay here with me so I can protect you."

"I don't need anyone to protect me Britt, it's not like he's an offender. He just had a bad day that's all." I stand up and walk out of the kitchen. I am really not in the mood for this. What does she think she is talking about? She has no idea what is going on at home. Of course I know that that is partly my fault because I haven't told her…but still.

"No, that's not all Santana, he is an alcoholic. He's not sane."

I stop and turn around. I really don't like fighting with Brittany but that was going too far.

"Don't you dare talk about him like that?! You have no idea! Just leave us alone. I was perfectly fine before everyone started to mind my business." When I am finished I see that she has tears in her eyes. I walk over to her and hug her tightly.

"I'm so sorry Britt, I didn't meant to yell at you. Please forgive me?"

"It's ok Santana. I know I shouldn't have said those things. It's just…it makes me so angry to think about him…about him hurting you. I just want you to be safe."

I let go of her and cup her cheeks with my hands. I look her deep in the eyes.

"I know Britt and I'm sorry. I understand you…I really do but please promise me that you stop worrying so much about it and just let me handle it by myself. We'll work it out…I promise."

"I will try…but I can't promise anything. I will never stop worrying about you Santana, I love you."

I kiss her on the lips and wrap my arms around her again. She always knows what to say.

"I love you too Britt."

We spent the rest of the day hanging on her couch and watching TV. We haven't talk about our little fight again…although I know she won't just drop it. But I am grateful for every moment we can just let it be…just lie here and enjoy each other's company. When it's time to get ready for the sleepover we have both fallen asleep and got woken up from the ring of the doorbell. I get up and open the door to find Quinn standing there with her bag.

"You ready?" She asks.

"Not really…Britt and I kind of fell asleep." She gives me a knowing smirk and walks past me into the living room.

"Wake up Britt. You and San should hurry up or we're going to be late."

"Hi Quinny. How much time till we have to go?" She rubs at her eyes and stands up. She stretches her arms in the air and her t-shirt slips up and exposes her bare stomach. I could totally get used to that sight.

"Five minutes…so hurry up."

We walk to her room and pack our bags. A few minutes later we leave the house and all get into Quinn's car. When we arrive at Rachel's we see that all the others are already here. We walk up the front porch and knock on the door. After a few seconds Rachel opens it and lets us in. She leads us up to her room where the other girls are sitting on the floor and talking.

"Hey girls" They all greet us. We join them on the floor and start talking again.

"So has anyone any ideas for a good song?"

The next two hours we spend searching for songs and practicing our choreography. Finally we have found a good enough performance to beat the guys. We go downstairs and sit in front of the TV with some popcorn. There's nothing exciting in the TV.

"So Rachel, how are things between you and Finn?" Mercedes asks. Rachel smiles and shakes her head a little.

"They're great. He is so sweet and we go on a lot of dates. Sadly our parents are still not so happy about the whole proposal thing."

"Don't worry they'll come around. They love you and just want the best for you, like all parents."

Suddenly all eyes are on me. I shift a little and look away. I have no interests in talking about _that_ with them. But of course they still ask.

"How are things with your parents Santana?" It's Tina who asks.

"Fine…everything's fine." They all look at me in disbelieve.

This time it is Rachel who speaks up.

"Santana we are here for you. You can talk to us and trust us. We won't tell anyone if you don't want us to, but I think you should talk about it with someone."

I nod my head and take in a deep breath. They are right. I can trust them, and I really need to talk with someone before my head explodes.

"I slept at Britt's last night. I was scared to go back in that house."

They all nod their head in agreement.

"Understandable. So how long has this been going on…with your father."

I look on the ground and sigh. Am I really going to tell them?

"My father started drinking a few months before we moved to Lima. But the violent part just started a few months ago."

"Can I ask you a question? I know it's maybe a bit personal but…why did he start drinking? Did something happen back at your old place?" I look at Mercedes. I really feared this question.

"Yeah…there was something, but I don't really want to talk about it." A single tear rolls down my cheek. It is really hard to talk so open about it….even if I haven't told them everything. I stand up and walk to the bathroom.

No P.O.V.

The girls sit in Rachel's living room in silence. Neither of them knows what to say after Santana walked out of the room. They have never seen her that insecure and vulnerable.

"I had no idea that things at her home were so bad." Tina states.

"Yes, me neither. If I had known I would've tried to help her sooner." Mercedes says in a low whisper.

"Did one of you two know something about it?" Rachel asks and looks at Brittany and Quinn.

They exchange a short look before nodding their head.

"I knew that her parents were fighting for a long time now. But I didn't know how bad things got until last night." Brittany says with tears in her eyes.

A few minutes pass before Quinn speaks up. It doesn't feel right to tell them about Santana's secrets…but she needs help.

"She came by last Tuesday crying. Her parents were fighting again, but he didn't slap her. She also told me that he punches her mother regularly."

At this Brittany stands up.

"You knew that Santana was in danger and didn't tell me?!"

"Brittany please calm down, I'm sure Quinn just wants the best for her too." Mercedes looks at Quinn who nods her head.

"Yes Britt believe me, I care about her too. I promised to not tell anyone. I'm sorry."

Brittany lowers her head and sits back on the floor.

"I know…I'm sorry. It just makes me so angry and hurt to know what San has to go through. I feel like I'm not here for her." Tina nods her head.

"I think we all feel like we weren't there for her when she needed us. And that's why we have to be here now."

"But what can we do?"

Before anyone can answer Quinn's question Santana walks back in the room. She looks at all of them with a confused look.

"What's going on?"

They remain silent for a moment before Rachel speaks up.

"We know you don't want to talk about what's going on with your parents…but maybe you'd like to sing about it in Glee. It could help and it wouldn't have to be so personal."

They all nod in agreement. It is a good idea. In that way she can open up a little without showing too much. Santana considers the idea for a moment.

"I think I maybe could handle that…but not alone."

"That's no problem, we can all sing about our family life."

"Yes we could ask Mr. Schue to take this as our assignment for next week. In that way everyone sings about their home life and you wouldn't have to stand out that much." Santana looks at them and nods her head.

"Yes, that would be great. Thanks guys."

With that they all go to bed. Maybe they don't know what is exactly going on in the Lopez household, but they know that they want to help their friend in every way possible.


End file.
